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UPDATE: This is Keiland Williams



Tuesday Afternoon Backup Quarterback (Without Playcalling Duties)

Besides no longer understanding what a touchdown is, Week One in the NFL taught us a few things…not the least of which is that offenses suck early in the season.

Five things I witnessed aside from the Calvin Johnson’s NFL Rule 8, Section 1, Article 4 Catch:

  1. People shouldn’t get too pumped about Michael Vick.PIs he worth an add? Maybe, I picked him up in our League, if only to trade him to Karns.  Yes he ran for 100 yards, yes he threw for 175 in a little over a half of football, and yes he showed glimpses of what everyone thought he was capable of when he used to look like he would change the way football was played.  But history has shown us that Michael Vick is not a quarterback.  He’s inaccurate and at the height of his popularity in 2006, his QB rating was a 75.7 and a career average of 75.9.  To put that in perspective, Lions stud Scott Mitchell averaged a 79.2 rating during his five season in Detroit.  If you watched the game on Sunday, you saw at least five miraculous catches by Eagles receivers on seemingly underthrown balls.  The Packers defense prepared for a standard pocket passer. Maybe he turned the corner, but simply put, I’m all ears on the trade offers.
  2. Either the Giants have an unstoppable run defense, or the Panthers are in trouble. Panthers QB Matt Moore had time, and still threw three picks.  Moore was hospitalized Sunday after getting rocked in the fourth quarter by Mathias Kiwanuka and it’s already been announced that uberfruitball Jimmy Clausen will probably start this week against Tampa Bay.  Don’t worry though, they have arguably the best running game in the League with two can’t miss backs…until they decided not to hand the ball off. In 2009 they averaged almost 33 runs a game, against the Giants they attempted 24 rushes for 89 yards.  All is not lost though, with Clausen at the reigns they are going to have to pound the ball.
  3. The Cowboys make me happy. Growing up a Packers fan, the early to mid-nineties were a frustrating time as Mike Holmgren and his boys would make the playoffs, win a game and head to Dallas for an annual asskicking.  With high expectations for an on-paper talented club, the Cowboys looked bad.  Playcalling was weird and 47 passing attempts yielded almost nothing for anyone except Miles Austin owners.  Dez Bryant can’t break tackles (maybe if he had gone through some rookie hazing) and a rebuilding season for an aging Redskins team should not leave them looking that good.  It’s early and they still almost won, but I’m hoping for a season of misery for “America’s Team.”
  4. Turns out the all new Randy Moss is…..still Randy Moss. I think its cool that it at least takes a few years for HOF-bound receiver Randy Moss to give up on a team.  “From a business standpoint, this will be my last year with the Patriots,” said Moss regarding his lack of a deal. He claims that it doesn’t mean he was leaving, so I really don’t know what that means. UPDATE: Moss supposedly met with Bill Belichick last night.
  5. Mendenhall owners got crazy lucky and you should trade Michael Turner ASAP. Mendenhall’s first 21 carries gave him 70 yards and no touchdowns, which is slightly better than what I could do.  I guess he just needed the pressure of overtime to break one and fill out his stat line.  As for Turner, you have to give some credit to the Steelers defense but even still, he’s not at game speed.  His injury last season may have done fantasy owners in on what used to be 150 yards+ and at least one touchdown, usually two.  Turner owners may need to start thinking of some backup plans.

Quick Hits:

  • If  The Sherminators have decided to give up on Shonn Greene, I’ll take him.  That second half at Rex Ryan’s f*cking hip was more a lesson in not fumbling than an LT development, he’ll get his touches.
  • Although I’m a Pack fan, I’ve never hated the Bears.  Cutler might be an interesting start this weekend because the Bears having nothing to lose by going in to Dallas and turning some heads.  Can you image Jerry Jones starting 0-2?  Plus Cutler is publicly dating Kristin Cavallari, so he’s having a pretty good week.
  • That defensive hold in the second game last night by the Chiefs makes me think they might be this year’s ’09 first-half Broncos.
  • If you’re roster was affected by the loss of Matthew Stafford, you really need to reevaluate your roster.
  • Cedric Benson’s stock is in question now that the Bengals might be more pass-first than everyone thought prior to the season.

Terrible Fantasy Team that Beat You This Week:

QB Michael Vick PHI, 16/24 for 175 yards – 1 TD 0 INT, 11 ATT for 103 yards

RB Matt Forte CHI,  17 ATT for 50 yards, 7 Rec for 151 Yards and 2 Tds

RB Tim Hightower ARI, 13 ATT for 54 yards and 1 TD, 4 Rec for 40 Yards

WR Legedu Naanee SD, 5 Rec for 110 yards and 1 TD

WR Mark Clayton STL, 10 Rec for 119 yards

WR Nate Washington TEN, 3 Rec for 88 yards and 1 TD

TE Mercedes Lewis JAX, 2 Rec for 31 yards and 2 Tds

TE Evan Moore CLE, 3 Rec for 87 yards

K John Kasay, 3/3 FG Long of 52 and 1XP

DEF Seahawks, 6PA, 2 INTS, 1 TD

Random Week 2 KFFL Matchup to Keep and Eye On:

Gym Schwartz vs. Not Allowed to play coed

  • Key to Victory for Not Allowed to play coed: Continued Arian Foster dominance (not likely) and increased production from Ryan Mathews and something, anything, from Ray Rice.

Key to Victory for Gym Schwartz: Lars not screwing it up with a dumb trade.

Brief Analysis: If I were a betting man, I think only injuries can stop Gym Schwartz from potentially running the table this season.  A team that features CJY2 whatever the f*ck, AP, Andre Johnson, Forte on the BENCH, Best and a serviceable QB, there will be trouble.  It’s also important to note that this matchup features pretty much all of the Top 12 RBs from Week One.

Final Thought:

I set a League-record for lowest point total EVER in my opening week.  We’ll all have our ups and downs, I only have one way to go.

This Week’s Pic Ten

“And then she asked, why don’t you respect me?”

“I told you, I’ve got a new stance I’m trying out with this 3-4 defense.”

“Goodnight moon. Goodnight cow jum….jumpi….what’s this word?”

“Hey Dad, tell me the truth.  I would be an NFL coach without your connections, right?”

“What’d you think of those girls I sent over last night to cut down that suspension?”

“Tim’s religious drills are going a bit too far.”

“Can to, I can do anything.  Check out this whistle trick….”

“And this is what it look like when Emmitt Smith poops.”

“Tommy, you know this is just training camp.”

“What do those guys mean when they say this symbolizes my career?”

This Week’s Pic Ten

Each Sunday from now through the end of the season will feature the Pic Ten.

“You know there’s only one spot to get that OG Kush.”

“For the record your honor, if this were Detroit the whole gun thing wouldn’t have been a big deal.”

“And then the transcript says, ‘That’s great man, you got a new house?’ Still, no idea what I’m talking about?”

“That’s what I like about them high school boys man, I keep getting’ older and they stay the same age.”

“I thought Kyle said he was definitely the Raiders’ starter…..Oh well at least he’s not gay.”

“And in other news, the Saints are pretty much f*cked.”

“The Packers have announced new additions to the Lambeau Field playing surface designed specifically to give Aaron Rodgers a few more seconds in the pocket.”

“Hey Trueblood, even though you almost knocked over that woman and her baby, I think you made some good decisions by not driving.”

“Mike, this year I want to try to call plays where doesn’t throw interceptions.  I think it will really help us out.”

“I’ve made some mistakes in my day, but I’m not afraid to admit that I love me a hot tub.”

Six Rookies Who May Make a Difference in 2010

Remember the hype around LeSean McCoy being the difference maker you were missing? Michael Crabtree couldn’t possibly sit out part of the season, he was the most talented offensive player in the ’09 draft.  As sought after as Knowshon Moreno was, he didn’t register a single 100-yeard rushing game in 2009. You still have 6+ weeks until the draft but this is not the time to sit idle.  Right now you need to put yourself in position to stock up on as many early draft picks as possible. Give yourself the chance to take some risks on some potential stud rookies.  Have a look and see who could be this year’s steal, this season’s Percy Harvin.

Rookies to Keep in Mind:

Ryan Mathews – RB Chargers

Considered by many to be the best running back in the 2010 draft, Ryan Matthews basically is LaDanian Tomlinson.  He’s replacing him, it was his favorite player growing up, and he wore #21 at Fresno State because of LT.  Mathews is fast. He’s young, but he fits the Chargers’ system perfectly, this kid has excellent mid-round value, some mock drafts even have him going in the first round.  Prediction: 6th Round

Jahvid Best – RB Lions

This being a League with most owners in Detroit, it probably makes sense to at least mention this former Cal Bear.  Best’s collegiate career got Neitzer’d, or you might know it as finishing prematurely, after a scary concussion.  Which basically means to start him through the season you have to have faith in the Lions offensive line.  Do you need me to continue? Prediction: Larson will draft him, probably too early.

Dez Bryant – WR Cowboys

After Dez Bryant’s well-documented predraft interview with the Dolphins, Jerry Jones and Michael Irvin gave Bryant the chance to wear  the storied #88. Those two guys might know football, but Bryant still has to catch passes from this guy. while he thinks about his buddy and his ex.  One of two scenarios are going to happen, either he’s going to be rookie of the year or a total head case. Prediction: 10th Round

Jermaine Gresham – TE Bengals

The first tight end taken in the 2010 draft, the Bengals have been looking for someone solid to fill this position for years.  Last season, Cincinnati pretty much wrote this position off as an offensive weapon as the club had to dig down to third on the depth chart by mid-season.  Look for slower development but by October Gresham will be fully integrated into the offense and I can assure you he’ll see his number called in the redzone.  He’ll have four touchdowns by season’s end, maybe more since he runs like a wide receiver.

Prediction: Undrafted, excellent filler for bye week

Golden Tate – WR Seahawks

This guy will eventually be a YAC machine but with a transition to the Pete Carroll era, I’m guessing it will be a bumpy ride.  Tate’s faster than you think and he already has top tier NFL-caliber hands, but with Houshmandzadeh and Butler 1-2 on the depth chart, Tate is going to have to outplay NFL veteran Deion Branch to get his touches up…it’s going to be tough.  But if he doesn get his hands on the ball, keep an eye on that MSU marching band.

Prediction – 13th Round

C.J. Spiller – RB Bills

Who knows where this guy is in the depth chart with Fred Jackson and Marshawn Lynch still on the roster.  The Bills don’t really have anything that resembles an offensive line so it could get interesting.  On the plus side, Buffalo can’t throw either so they’re going to have to run, run, run.  We’ll know by the end of camp how touches the top running back selected in this year’s draft will get.

Prediction: 12th Round

This Week’s Pic Ten

Each Sunday from now through the end of the season will feature the Pic Ten.

“Nobody talks about Jessica in this huddle. Don’t make me banish you like that nerd from Yale.”

“And then Reggie said, ‘I can be a premier NFL running back’.”

“In a crowd like this, it’s going to be real easy to figure out which guy is your wideout.”

“Tim, it would have just fine with us if you had worn normal shorts.”

“So when you found out the Lion’s didn’t have the first overall pick, what was your reaction?”

“Now that I’m in the NFL, I’m pulling all the hotties.”

“Holy shit, Santa?”

“I told you, I dress like this because I’m hoping they’re going to ask me to be on The Hills.

“One last question. 2+2=?  Come on you got this.”

“This is the guy… man, seriously, I’m good to drive.”